I seldom know what emotion I am "eating"...but I do.
And I have.
I used to say if it was a "good" day ~~"Let's order a pizza!"
If it was a "bad" day ~~"Let's order a pizza and get EXTRA cheeze!"
That was pretty much my emotional range. Though I didn't really recognise that about myself at the time. Or only to the extent to joke about it, which is one of me "defense" mechanisms.
Who defends me from me???
"Ooooh...Mongo happy...oooohhh....eeeeatttt.
Ooooh...Mongo sad...oooohhh....eeeeatttt."
Yes, I realize it's more complex than that...but I was never concerned with what emotion was causing me to eat...they were mostly negative emotions I was trying to stuff away with food.
Food first, feel later. Hopefully later will be a long way off.
This was never something I really thought through. It has only been since I've been less "doped" with food that I realized (a little bit) what was going on. You don't know what you don't know...but you can learn if your brave enough...or foolish enough to really look in the mirror!
Self care goes beyond eating under God's control.
It goes beyond daily exercise.
It goes past dressing with care, brushing your teeth, flossing and putting a shine on your shoes and a smile on your face.
Self care means to love yourself.
It an also mean to love yourself enough to have the courage to change the things you can.
One day at a time.
God doesn't make junk.
Overeating never solved any problems for me. It only made things worse. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but worse is what it gets you for your trouble.
Not really being in touch with my feelings, I have no real understanding of where to start.
{I barely get red, blue and yellow let alone mauve, taupe and periwinkle!}
In my reading, I found some advice that makes sense for me.
Instead of trying to figure out the full range of emotions all at once I should just limit myself to four basic feelings.
Mad, sad, glad and scared.
I might be able to recognize those basic feelings to begin with.
Perhaps it will unravel a little bit of why I eat when I'm not hungry. Why I eat to the point of such "fullness" I am ill.
Perhaps it will help me to begin to deal with life on life's terms.
It's a long, winding road this thing called recovery.
It's a start.
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