FAT MAN, THIN MAN, FATTER MAN...GOOD GRIEF!! I have been "overweight" or whatever other descriptive you care to use to call me fat, most all of my life with occasional spurts of weight loss. I've been up and down the scale several times, (mostly up) and have gained and lost over 300+ pounds in my life. However, I've begun to see myself as more than just a "fat" person...it gets easier to take on a different outlook when one doesn't fight for every breath, or have joints scream in pain every time you move. For the story of what got me to this point please click on the page: "HOW DID I GET HERE?"

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Thursday, January 20, 2011

BURN THE SHIPS!

"When Spanish Conquistador Hernando Cortez landed in Mexico, one of his first orders to his men was to burn the ships. Cortez was committed to his mission and did not want to allow himself or his men the option of going back to Spain. By removing this option, Cortez and his men were forced to focus on how they could make the mission successful.

They had no ships to retreat to and only God to assist them."

I've been struggling lately in my overall commitment to healthy living.  I have not been exercising much at all, and eating "properly" gets real old at times.  I am very thankful that I have been able to maintain the weight loss I have, but wonder if I will really manage to lose further weight and keep it off for the future.

I have a lot of fears.  I don't like that I worry so much, but in a way, that is a positive thing.  Not the worry, but my recognising it for what it is. 

I have always "eaten my feelings."  Good and bad feelings.  It is easy to fall into that trap because it is such familiar territory.  In times past I have always preferred dealing with the devil I knew. 

The new "devil" might be worse!  Again fear!

What if I step off this program and start eating super compulsively again?


What if I can't stop?

How will I face all the people I know if I gain weight back?

How could I stand to be such a crushing failure?

What if I cannot utilise the tools given to me or worse, refuse to work my program of recovery?

Let's turn this negativity around now and ask questions like ~

Don't I feel better not having stuffed myself into oblivion?
Answer: YES!

Don't I like what I see in the mirror these days?
Answer: YES!

Don't I like not having to walk with a cane or have my joints hurt so bad I can't turn over in bed?
Answer: YES!

Don't I like not losing my breath when I bend over to put my shoes on?
Answer: YES!

Don't I really enjoy tasting my food and savoring the flavors and not feeling guilt because I am just stuffing feelings without even tasting the food and slowly killing myself?
Answer: YES!

Don't I like the compliments and "atta boys" I get from those who haven't seen me in awhile and compliment me on my weight loss?
Answer: YES!

Don't I feel great about the quality of my life that's improved so much, the relationships I'm building (and rebuilding) in my life, the sense of purpose I'm finding as I get untangled from the chains of eating compulsively?
Answer: YES!

So like Cortez, I have a mission to commit to.

I need to be so sincere and forceful about my new way of life that I am willing to SUFFER through change.

Change is HARD and VERY UNCOMFORTABLE!

Or to put it in slightly different terms:

Only in growth, reform, and change, paradoxically enough, is true security to be found.”

~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh

So if I want that security; to live better physically, mentally and spiritually, I need to surrender to change as God inspires and leads me to understand.

What about the "ships" I've sailed on in my life that got me to almost 400 pounds???

What about the constant eating, grazing, snacking trying to make myself feel better with food ship?

What about trying to be funny all the time, coming up with snappy sayings and showing myself witty to people so they'll like me in spite of being fat ship?

What about the holding all my emotions inside and never letting anyone see me sweat ship?

What about my "John Wayne" attitude of pulling myself up by my own bootstraps and never asking for help ship?

What about the entire fleet of other negative character defects and sins that I've sailed on in my life?

Am I committed to this fresh "mission" of surrendering my new life to God, to admit that I am powerless over food? 

To meekly admit that I need help beyond my own resources? 

To be willing to humbly confess my faults and sins and strive to repair broken relationships with God and ALL the people in my life?

Will I commit to the mission of landing at this heretofore "Undiscovered Country" and explore new ways of living, relating, eating and serving others?

Is there any SANE reason to sail back to the old country I was killing myself in???

Will I still be tempted to set sail in one of those old negative ships if I leave them anchored in the harbor of the dark nature of my inner being?

YES!

Somebody hand me a match and keep Smokey the Bear away.

Let's burn those ships!

With God's help and those others He sends to me with help.......... I will.









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