WE DO NOT WALK ALONE!

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit."  Albert Schweitzer

There is an inexhaustible list of people who have inspired me to be what I am today!  I take credit for anything negative that I portray, but the positives largely come from others! 

Not the least of which is the Lord Jesus Christ, my wife Nancy,  my daughters Laura and Emily, my mom & dad, my sister Julie (and Ronnie), my brother Paul (and Judy),  my sister Susie, my coach/mentor/dietitian/friend Megan (and her fantastic staff!!),  Fred, Tim, Dr. Steve, Don and Amy, Jerry and Mary, Sue Jazzer, Daneel, Brian, John, and the list would go on for miles, and I already risk hurting someone's feelings I haven't included!

But you are included in my heart!

Thank you God for all the wonderful people in my life!

CATCHING THE PASS

I've been given a lot of coaching, training and encouragement by the folks at Mercy Weight Loss Center. 

Their expertise and help has been invaluable...that is to say...it is impossible for me to put down in quantifiable measure what this experience has been worth to me. 

I've been attending their center for 21 months and I don't plan on ending the relationship at any time in the foreseeable future.

I started their program,  http://www.hmrdiet.com/   and have been successful.

But successful meaning what exactly?  I started on February 16, 2010. I weighed 379.4 lbs.  By October of 2010 I was weighing in the low 270's.  Just over 100 pounds lost.  Quite an accomplishment, and one that I thank God, my family, HMR, and the staff at Mercy Weight Loss Center for on a continual basis!

In the last year, while working in Phase Two of this program, I've gained back about 30 lbs.  I'm currently hovering around the 300 pound mark, and have been for a couple of months now. 

I still consider myself a success.


It takes an incredible amount of courage to write that last sentence. 


 It takes even more faith to believe it!


Success ~ My definition:

1. I still face the scale in front of one of the Mercy staff once a week.
2. I put my food totals on the board every week for my other classmates to see.
3. I attend the weekly meeting without fail.  In 21 months, I've missed once due to bad weather...they closed...or I would have tried to make it.
4. I keep a food diary...though I had tapered off doing this religiously over the last six months.
5. I talk to my dietitian, coach, mentor, cheerleader and encourager once a week about my progress (or lack thereof). People call her Megan. I affectionately refer to her as my clothesline prop. 

She's my quarterback throwing perfectly aimed "weight loss footballs" (also known as strategies) at me every week.  The picture at the beginning of this post shows hands reaching to catch the football.  She offers great and timely strategies each week, but the question still remains: Will I catch it this time or fumble?

When I do fumble, will I just limp off the field or get back in the huddle?

There's been a whole lot of fumbling going on.  Her perfect throws, my less than perfect catches.

It's been awhile since I've written a post here.  I've been busy fumbling.

But I'm still a success...because I'm still reaching for the ball!

                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

I've redesigned the layout of this blog and added some stuff to the humor and quotes pages...something I will continue to do as we go along...also check out the new page called beautiful images...and I hope to enter a post at least once a week as we go forward.

THE LORD GOD MOST HIGH, CREATER OF THE UNIVERSE, DIED FOR ME!

"In the beginning the Word already existed.

The Word was with God,

and the Word was God.

He existed in the beginning with God.

God created everything through him,

and nothing was created except through him.

The Word gave life to everything that was created,

and his life brought light to everyone.

The light shines in the darkness,

and the darkness can never extinguish it."

And that was proven on Resurrection Morning when THE Light of the world arose from the dead, having paid the price for my sins.

I often lose perspective when I stand on the scale.  Seeing what the numbers tell me usually dictate how I will feel for the next several days.

My little "universe" is so insignificant...less than a drop of water compared to the oceans depths.  Yet as the ignorant ancients thought,  I act as if the universe revolves around my world!

Since the God of all things seen and unseen died for me, is it unreasonable to decide to live for Him?

Surely life is more than fat and thin, exercise and calories, guilt and shame for eating too much!

Jesus came that we might live life to its fullest, fat or thin, to serve Him because He loved us and died for us when we weren't the least bit interested in Him.

He paid a debt He did not owe, I owed a debt I could not pay...such wondrous LOVE!  

HE IS RISEN INDEED!!

THE STRAIGHT AND NARROW WAY

JESUS SAID: “You can enter God’s Kingdom only through the narrow gate. The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose that way. But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few ever find it." MATTHEW 7:13-14

Jesus was speaking of your spiritual journey. My spiritual journey...really, anyone who seeks after God and His ways.

Which is not to say that God is hard to find...He isn't.  He was there all the time waiting patiently in line for me to figure that out.  As the saying goes, "If you find yourself farther away from God than before, guess who moved?"

Jesus CLEARLY stated that He was THE Way, Truth and the Life. 

How we respond is up to us. 

How do you respond to pure love? 

Selfishly, I want a broad, well defined clearly marked road. No hills to climb AND I shouldn't even be able to stub my toe!

But it's in the special paths God chooses for us that we must seek. 

Jesus walked the way of suffering how does my pipsqueak whiny junk compare to that?

When I try to go my own way...well it's like one of your kids who is sure they know better than mom and dad...if they're smart (and how could they not be SMART? they ARE your kids!)~~~they'll come around to your way of thinking eventually...I hope. 


I'm still waiting on a couple things for my kids to come around to...

...and God waits for me as His child to decide to try it His way too!  

One of those broad paths to eating hell I have used all my life is CONSUMING food to attempt to fill up the hole in my soul that only God can fill.


For the purposes of our talk today I'd like to borrow from this line of thinking and see how it relates to the process I go through for weight management.

I would prefer that I was determined enough to just follow a clearly marked path to eating recovery.  One, two, three.

I find that I meander through some side trails that are less clearly marked, and are tougher going.  Some of these are my stubborness to not do what I know I'm supposed to do concerning what I put into my mouth.

Others, God beckons me to. If I would only listen! 

Some, He allows me to get off the completely correct path of weight management so that I can learn how to stay on the "right" path better next time.

When I reread that it sounds like a fancy way to make an excuse for blowing my eating plan.

Yet, if I'm willing, God can even use that if I let Him.

It's no surprise to God that I am less than perfect in my eating. 

Everything in my life is "less than perfect" and I sin alot.

{Much to my shame.}

 Life is a dress rehearsal for the big event called eternity.  I find my clothes get snagged on the bramble bushes I come in contact with on the uneven, less than straight path(s) I end up on.  

No surprise to God.

What is surprising is the way He can use our mistakes to teach us...if we listen.

Sometimes I think God wants me to just relax and enjoy the view from where I'm at.  If I constantly agitate about what I do, or where I'm at, I literally do not stop to smell the roses.

Never mind that the roses actually grew on this sidewinder path because there was lots of bear pooh for fertilizer!  Ahem. 

I may feel lost, dazed and confused.  But God knows where I'm at.

There are no shortcuts to where I need to go.

Thomas Edison said concerning the trial and error in finding a workable element for the lightbulb: "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

Oh how I wish to cultivate that attitude. 

This or "that path is a dead end...let's try another route." 

 Funny how I find myself crawling down a dead end path I've explored before many times!

Obviously if you read me regularly, you've seen some of the thickets I've gotton into. 

My life is messy and a mess.  I'm far from perfect as you can plainly see. 

Read back over my early entries on this site, why I had this diet tiger by the tail!!

Ya.

I had to be there to get here. 

I need a closer walk with Jesus.  Renew my mind with God's thoughts.  Seek His will for my life. 

Jesus is my example. 

Jesus said, "I and my Father are one." They were so intimately acquainted with each other that they were in complete agreement.

Jesus, having taken on the form of a man, submitted His will to the Father.

If Jesus had to submit, how do I think I don't have to?

Now I'm older, maybe wiser, and thinner too...maybe... but I still suffer from waaaaay too much fat between my ears!

And I have the blisters on my feet to show the rough trails I've taken to avoid God's way. 

THROWING OUT THE TROPHIES!

Every once and awhile, I'll read a news story how some high school somewhere will be moving to a new location and not wish to relocate all the old trophies that are on display at the old school. Or they have run out of room for the new trophies and start disposing of old trophies and pictures from a bygone school era.

Trophies and ribbons are important marks of accomplishment and can be very meaningful. Men (and women) will march into a hail of bullets in wartime and feel justly rewarded when a colored piece of ribbon is pinned on their chest.

Something about being acknowledged.

Everyone likes an "atta boy" or "atta girl".  A pat on the back works wonders for me and my tail usually wags ferociously!

Those trophies and ribbons were so important at one time that they were cherished and put behind locked glass cases so everyone could admire the accomplishments.  Every time one would walk by it, it would compel memories of victory, be it for football or the chess team. 

Faded team pictures of years gone by lined these shelves framed and standing as resolute reminders of the glories of youth and vitality...of valiant winners.

How could things of such importance now have so little regard by the current generation?

CATCHING THE MONKEY

                        Here is a kind of monkey trap used in Asia.

A coconut is hollowed out and attached by a rope to a tree or stake in the ground. At the bottom of the coconut a small slit is made and some sweet food is placed inside. The hole on the bottom is just big enough for the monkey to slide in his open hand, but does not allow for a closed fist to pass out. The monkey smells the sweets, reaches in with his hand to grasp the food and is then unable to withdraw it. The clenched fist won’t pass through the opening.

When the hunters come, the monkey becomes frantic but cannot get away. There is no one keeping that monkey captive, except the force of his own attachment. All that he has to do is open his hand. But so strong is the force of greed in the mind that it is a rare monkey which can let go.

It is the desires and clinging in our minds which keep us trapped. All we need do is open our hands, let go of our selves, our attachments, and be free.

(Excerpt from: "The Experience of Insight" by Joseph Goldstein)

Vincent Price, was a bit of a Renaissance man...good at a lot of things...a famous actor, a gourmet cook who co-authored a cookbook with his wife,  he collaborated with the famous director Tim Burton (Edward Scissorhands) and did voice over work on Michael Jackson's album "Thriller". 

Page from Sears Catalog offering fine art
recommended by Vincent Price.

He studied fine art as a student at Yale University in the 1930's and this famous "horror" actor was also an art collector.  He collected hundreds of pieces of fine art and later donated many art works and money to East Los Angeles College.  In fact Sears even sold the "Vincent Price Collection of Fine Art" in the 1960's.






 

BURN THE SHIPS!

"When Spanish Conquistador Hernando Cortez landed in Mexico, one of his first orders to his men was to burn the ships. Cortez was committed to his mission and did not want to allow himself or his men the option of going back to Spain. By removing this option, Cortez and his men were forced to focus on how they could make the mission successful.

They had no ships to retreat to and only God to assist them."

I've been struggling lately in my overall commitment to healthy living.  I have not been exercising much at all, and eating "properly" gets real old at times.  I am very thankful that I have been able to maintain the weight loss I have, but wonder if I will really manage to lose further weight and keep it off for the future.

I have a lot of fears.  I don't like that I worry so much, but in a way, that is a positive thing.  Not the worry, but my recognising it for what it is. 

I have always "eaten my feelings."  Good and bad feelings.  It is easy to fall into that trap because it is such familiar territory.  In times past I have always preferred dealing with the devil I knew. 

The new "devil" might be worse!  Again fear!

What if I step off this program and start eating super compulsively again?

I STAND BY THE DOOR by Sam Shoemaker

I stand by the door.



I neither go to far in, nor stay to far out.


The door is the most important door in the world -


It is the door through which men walk when they find God.


There is no use my going way inside and staying there,


When so many are still outside and they, as much as I,


Crave to know where the door is.


And all that so many ever find


Is only the wall where the door ought to be.


They creep along the wall like blind men,


With outstretched, groping hands,


Feeling for a door, knowing there must be a door,


Yet they never find it.


So I stand by the door.

I WAS HONORED TO SPEAK TO A GROUP OF DOCTORS THE OTHER NIGHT

Synopsis: The weight loss center I attend held an informational meeting for local doctors and healthcare providers this week, and asked me and two other of their clients to speak about our experiences with their weight loss/management program.  

The weight loss center is striving for more doctor referrals for their patients with weight struggles. I had planned to share about my doctors role in my experience but did not know he would be there.  Along with the honor of being asked to speak, it was an extra blessing for me to be able to publicly thank him!  This is what I said with some slight editing...   



 ~ I’ve been asked to share a little bit of my story with you.

I have struggled with being overweight all my life.



In 1982 I went to Weight Watchers and lost 45 pounds and achieved goal weight of 195 pounds. In 1990 I lost 117 pounds at Weight Watchers and was below goal weight at 183 pounds.


Three years later I came under Dr. Steve Gordon’s care. I had gained back close to 70 pounds and weighed in around 250 pounds. At that time I had no need for a doctor other than for when I would get an infection and need antibiotics or such.


In the 18 years he’s been my doctor, he has treated me for Type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, G.E.R.D, depression, sleep apnea ~ and ~ I ballooned up to 382 pounds. If you’ve been doing the math in your head, yes I doubled my weight in 20 years!

BEARING POTENTIAL FOR THE NEW YEAR - LESSONS DERIVED FROM THE ROSE

"When we plant a rose seed in the earth, we notice that it is small, but we do not criticize it as "rootless and stemless." We treat it as a seed, giving it the water and nourishment required of a seed. When it first shoots up out of the earth, we don't condemn it as immature and underdeveloped; nor do we criticize the buds for not being open when they appear. We stand in wonder at the process taking place and give the plant the care it needs at each stage of its development. The rose is a rose from the time it is a seed to the time it dies. Within it, at all times, it contains its whole potential. It seems to be constantly in the process of change; yet at each state, at each moment, it is perfectly all right as it is."

— W. Timothy Gallwey (The Inner Game of Tennis)

It seems I find myself starting over...a lot!
 
The new year some how psychologically conditions us as a people to foment some sort of list of "resolutions." 
 
I have never met a resolution I couldn't break, usually within 72 hours.  This is because, for me anyway, I am motivated by what I should do, not what I really want to do.  

Well, I want to do it as long as it is easy and requires no sacrifice. 
 
Ain't it the truth!
 
I'm my own worse critic too.  I can be pretty harsh on myself.  I probably deserve some of it, however the guilt that is associated with failure usually is "solved" by eating...which solves nothing and only exacerbates the problem.
 
A truly vicious and insane cycle.
 
So if I were to resolve anything this year, it should be to love myself more, and not be so motivated by guilt and fear.
 
When I reread the above sentence it makes me want to shout: "Psychobabble!!"

DAY BY DAY BY GRACE

Day By Day By Grace
by Bob Hoekstra


"If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me...My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me." (Luke 9:23 and John 10:27)


As we have seen, following Jesus as a disciple is another way to relate rightly to the Lord in humility and faith. Discipleship begins with renouncing the self-life and confessing death for the self-life. "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily." Initially and continually, these humble and trusting responses to Jesus deal with self, which is the basic obstruction to following Him.

 Ultimately, three simple words express the very heart of
discipleship: "and follow Me."


All of the Christian life can be summed up and fulfilled in this profound relationship--a humble, dependent walk with the Lord.

SOMETIMES MEMORIES HURT ~ SOMETIMES IT HURTS MORE TO FORGET!

Last January it became abundantly clear (ahem) that I needed a new winter coat.  Winter was "hard" last year but zipping up the jacket was harder.

Walking around in a too small unzipped coat open to the elements became more uncomfortable than going to buy a new ( and larger) jacket.

I went by myself.  I was embarrassed enough to have to do this (again) let alone have a family member (read that wife) tag along and not say anything.  I seldom like the tone of her silence!

As I walked the aisles of the local farm and ranch store I looked over the pickings left over from the late fall and Christmas season. 

In the past couple of years my shirt sizes had gone from 2X - 3X to 4X - 6X depending on the "generosity" of the cut.

"Generosity" - it never ceases to amaze me how we humans try to dress up a pig with lipstick and perfume!

"I wouldn't even need a larger coat if the manufacturer would have been a little more 'generous' in his cut with this one!"

THE MAN IN THE MIRROR

I've been reading this book. 

Written by a man who attended Overeaters Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, lost 75 pounds and kept it off by working their 12 step program.  For someone like me struggling with food as I do it has been a Godsend!

I see myself in this book.  Apparently I am a compulsive over eater, food addict...however you wish to describe it.


Looking in the mirror and really seeing oneself with all the baggage included and REALLY understanding that losing the weight and STILL having problems with food that WILL NOT go away...EVER...and further realizing now that the fat is diminishing that the fat was not really the problem..."merely a symptom of a deeper spiritual need." 

Merely a symptom!  I don't even know what to say to that!

SOMETIMES THE CLOUDS HIDE THE STARS

My dad moved out before my fourth birthday.

Near as I can tell it was the summer before my fourth birthday that I found my dad lying on a cot on our patio looking up at the stars.  Curious, I climbed up on his chest and lay down with the top of my head under his chin looking at the stars with him.

It was one of those summer nights that defy logic.  While it may have been blistering hot during the day, there was now a cool evening breeze lightly blowing and the humidity must have been very low as I remember feeling very comfortable (and safe) lying there on my back with my dad looking at the stars.  There was not a cloud in the sky...a crystal clear view of the galaxy!

There must have been close to a full moon out as he talked to me about the "man in the moon" and of course I saw his face very clearly!  

MURDER OR SUICIDE? THE CHOICE IS CLEAR. ~ IF I DON'T KILL MY "SELF" I WILL KILL MYSELF!

If I don't die to myself, I will commit suicide by food.

256 Days Between...

February 16, 2010
and
October 30, 2010

256 Days

= 6144 Hours
= 368640 Minutes
= 22118400 Seconds

Weight management is, well…crappy some days. 
I restarted getting healthy on Feb. 16^th this year.  The road traveled thus far has had its weary days and super wonderful days.  When I’m in the “mullygrubs” it’s easy to focus only on the downside of things.

Sometimes I just want to quit.

Been there, done that and I have the 6XL t-shirt to prove it!  

A GOOD CROP OF HEALTH

"...So let's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don't give up, or quit."  Galatians 6:9

"Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies." Philippians 4:8

The Apostle Paul wrote the majority of the New Testament.  He was an inspirational fellow!  He himself encountered Jesus Christ while he was out searching for and imprisoning Christians and putting some of them to death.

That encounter literally knocked him off his horse and he was struck blind for a few days.  When he recovered he began what I would contend was one of the most historical and far reaching  turn arounds the world has ever seen!

Now I'm no Apostle Paul, but I have been in the process of the biggest turn around that I have ever done in my life!  The course of Paul's life changed history and the world.  My turn around is somewhat less noble and much less far reaching.  Its significance is really only very important to me and my family and some friends.

I've been planting seeds for better health and  I have been reprogramming my mind towards more positive thinking about myself, my life and my hopes and dreams.

WEIGHT LOSS IS EASY!

Sure it is! 

The theory is quite simple:”Consume fewer calories each day than you burn and you will lose weight.”

Straightforward.

Simple.

Easy!

There!  What problem would you like me to solve now?? :-)

Ok, I know.  The theory is simple.   

The rules of weight loss are a lot like the rules to the game of chess.  Thirty minutes will get you the basics of chess, but it can take a lifetime to master the game.

And losing weight is no game! 

And for me anyway, it has taken all of my 51 years to begin to get the application of what it takes to lose and keep off the weight.

I learn a little each day.   

Somewhere along the line of this current reduced eating phase of my life I’ve emotionally accepted that I am no longer dieting.

 I will never “diet” again.

 Ever.

Period, paragraph, explanation point!

The way I am eating now is now the way I live, literally.

My pastor recently showed me how I used to walk up and down stairs.  If he wasn’t so serious about it I would have thought he was kidding around.  He had it down pat. The way I slowly came down the stairs in pain with each step, balancing precariously and holding on to the railing for support, and completely out of breath was the way I was.   

He told me he seriously wondered when he’d be called upon to conduct my funeral.  He figured it would be sooner rather than later. 

He was right.

I didn’t know how bad I felt until I started feeling better!

My mom died of breast/lung/brain cancer at the age of 70.

My dad died of lung cancer at the age of 57.

My sister died of breast cancer at the age of 51.

I had given up trying to lose weight.  Why go to all the hassle of another failed diet when cancer’s just around the next bend waiting for me anyway?

Trouble was, what life I did have left, was getting so miserable with the strain of morbid obesity, I could no longer afford to wait for cancer! 

I was already miserable enough!

  

(New readers will want to visit my permanent page marked “How Did I Get Here??” for that part of my story.)

Rereading this, I can imagine what you are thinking.  I was pretty hopeless, depressed and trying to commit suicide…one spoonful at a time.

Yep.

If you’ve ever been exposed to any 12 step program they call that:”Stinking Thinking”. And I had a seemingly incurable dose of it.

People loved me and prayed for me…that is all I can attribute to what has begun turning my life around.  I had given up…but my wife; family, friends and my doctor had not…thank God! 

Yes! Let’s not forget God who instills love, who is love, who looked at my miserable sinfully obese life and loved me through these people!  They loved me when I no longer much loved or cared for myself any longer.

Sighhhhhh.

Surprised by love.

So now I choose to live. 

I will never “diet” again and I will fight cancer “tooth and toenail “if it ever comes. 

“IF” not when!

To that end (no pun intended!), I had a colonoscopy performed this morning as a preventative measure because of my family history of cancer.

 Yes it is a hassle.

 I also had to undergo the additional indignity of six enemas this morning as well. 

They (and you know who you are!) are right; I really am “full of it!”

The results?  A-OK!

I’ve chosen to have a lot of life in my days, no matter how long I live.

Eating well and taking care of me is now part of the new plan.

So these heavy thoughts rattle around inside my brain, but they do now urge me toward lighter living.

I can live with that.

A BIRTHDAY SURPRISE OF A DIFFERENT SORT

Last weekend my wife and I were invited to a 50th. birthday party for one of her co-workers husbands. Neither of us had met him but it was important to her co-worker we come and so it was important to us to be there.
 

This was no small affair.  A party room was rented at the Holiday Inn and there were black plastic hats, black beads, dark sunglasses and glow-in-the-dark necklaces for all to wear.  A DJ was hired for music and there was a buffet style food table set up.  Each table was decorated in black and there were Hershey’s Kisses strewn all about the tabletop.
 
It was a first rate party!  We had a good time visiting with the other guests, and it was a good chance for me to people watch. 
 

The buffet table had an assortment of choices. There were fruits, vegetables and cheeses, and several hot items including wings and egg rolls.  I decided early on that it was best for me to just sip my diet Coke and not eat.  The fruits and veggies I could handle, but I wasn’t sure about the wings and egg rolls.  I wasn’t going to rush in where “diet angels” would fear to walk.
 
This is when I learned a valuable lesson.
 
I watched the other people eating around me.  One lady’s plate I noticed in particular, though she was not the only one.  There was ONE eggroll, ONE chicken wing, ONE slice of Swiss cheese and a small assortment of fruits and vegetables. 
 

Good grief! There was more plate showing than food!
 
I sat at her table for two hours and she never did completely finish what she’d taken!  A nibble here, a nibble there…Mein Gott in Himmel!!
 
Intellectually I know that what she did was the socially acceptable thing to do.  This was a party food party, not a sit down “big meal” affair; but before I would have treated this buffet line as an all I could eat competition. 
 

“Just roll that steam table of wings over to my table please!”
 
Before it would have been all about the food and very little about the people I was seated at the table with.
 
So I sat at the table visiting with the other guests around me, nursing my Coke and stealing a Hershey kiss or two from my wife. 
 
Never in my life have I done that before.  Oh!--- Not that!--- I’ve stolen lots of “kisses” from my wife before…the “not eating all the free buffet food I could get” was the new experience.
 
Well, there was that time I passed on the Swedish meatballs……YUCK!
 
In times past I would have made a minimum of two trips to the food table, (let alone the carnage I would have inflicted on the cake, mints and nuts table!)  I would have concentrated on the food I was eating and not the people I was with.
 
This time I was trying real hard to concentrate on the people I was with, but I was also thinking a lot about the food I wasn’t eating.
 
Trying not to feel deprived.  

Trying to focus on this new chance at life I’ve been given.  

Practicing a new freedom my mentors have been teaching me. 
The freedom not to eat--- a birthday surprise of a different sort!
 
And it’s still true, I’ve never been sorry for what I didn’t eat.
 
Is it fun at the time?  Of course not!  But neither is the guilt I feel when I fall off my reduced eating plan…that guilt is worse than “not fun.”
 
Fitting into jeans that are 14 inches smaller around the waist is fun!
Fitting into a 1X shirt (with no button gap!!) and tossing out my 6X’s is fun!
 
Having my wife’s arms able to really reach around and hug me again is FUN!
 
Ahhhh, these heavy thoughts that move me toward lighter living!

LETS NOT GET TIRED OF BEING GOOD TO OURSELVES

"So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up." Galatians 6:9 (New Living Translation)

Ok, I admit it. Sometimes it gets tiring to always make the right food choices. To always think about what and how much I’m eating. It would be nice not to always have my guard up. Don’t I ever get to catch a break?


But not doing these things only brought me to where I no longer was in control of my life, my health and I was largely unhappy with my life.


Today I feel so much better than before I started clawing my way out from morbid obesity.


It’s like the Apostle Paul told us, don’t get tired of doing what is good. In this case I am doing “good” to myself. I am reaping a harvest of physical and emotional blessings!

Which is not to say that anyone should ever lose the chance to do good to or for someone else!
It is not selfish to take care of yourself, or put your needs ahead of others...sometimes. If I'm honest with myself I know the difference between taking care of me and selfishly putting ME first.


I get a lot of compliments on my weight loss…that is reaping a blessing!


I do not need to walk with a cane or use the car door to pull myself up out of the car anymore…blessing!


I seldom get out of breath (even when I’m really exercising)…blessing!


I no longer care where I park the car…I can walk again…blessing!


I no longer stay in the car and wait for my wife to shop; I get to go with her…blessing! Not kidding either!


The smaller portions of food I eat now taste supremely better than the mindless bucketfuls I used to snarf down before. I really didn’t even taste the stuff I used to put thru my lips and over the gums, look out stomach here it comes! Again…blessing!


Really there is no comparison to my former way of death via eating vs. the new way of eating to live!


So I remind myself to not get weary in doing good for others like the Bible instructs us, but I also remind myself it’s ok to be good to me too!


Ah my friends, these are some of the heavy thoughts that keep me moving towards lighter living.