SOMETIMES MEMORIES HURT ~ SOMETIMES IT HURTS MORE TO FORGET!

Last January it became abundantly clear (ahem) that I needed a new winter coat.  Winter was "hard" last year but zipping up the jacket was harder.

Walking around in a too small unzipped coat open to the elements became more uncomfortable than going to buy a new ( and larger) jacket.

I went by myself.  I was embarrassed enough to have to do this (again) let alone have a family member (read that wife) tag along and not say anything.  I seldom like the tone of her silence!

As I walked the aisles of the local farm and ranch store I looked over the pickings left over from the late fall and Christmas season. 

In the past couple of years my shirt sizes had gone from 2X - 3X to 4X - 6X depending on the "generosity" of the cut.

"Generosity" - it never ceases to amaze me how we humans try to dress up a pig with lipstick and perfume!

"I wouldn't even need a larger coat if the manufacturer would have been a little more 'generous' in his cut with this one!"


I could avoid mirrors and scales and joke about my having extra "insulation" so I didn't really need to zip the coat, but last year was freakin' coooold!

The store I went to usually has a fairly large supply of larger size clothing...you know those farmers and ranchers know how to eat too!

Since this was January, there was less to choose from and ALL the low-cost stuff was long gone.

OK, I'm cheap...but I didn't want to be there in the first place so it just made me all the grumpier.  Some stores advertise a low cost on an item and then put a little blurb in the ad that states "plus sizes have an additional cost."  So the plus sizes are more "generous" but they cost more which when talking about generosity seems to me to be an oxymoron!

Perhaps my view is/was skewed and biased?

Optimistically I  started trying on the 3X's.

I won't bore you with the details, suffice it to say, I got an OVERPRICED  lightweight fall jacket that I could zip up and wear my heavier coat over it that I couldn't zip up.

It was a VERY GENEROUS 4X.

I settled for that and decided to put on another t-shirt as well in order to keep warm(er).

This winter, being 100 pounds lighter I find that I have less "insulation" to keep me warm. 

Oh I'm still in 2X's and have a way to go on my weight loss and weight management journey, but I do fit into a couple of older (and smaller) winter coats from my distant past.  How they managed to escape the Goodwill box I have no idea. 

But it feels good.

Why bring this up?

Well we fatties are pretty good at manipulating our emotions.  If we wrangle it right we usually(read that almost always) figure out a way to conclude the solving of any issue by eating more food.

I've been considering admitting to myself just how much power food has held over me my whole life. 

Which means admitting that I am not in control.

Which means I need the help of others.

Which destroys the image I project as one who "has it all together!"

I'm sure walking around last year 19 pounds away from 400 pounds with my open coat flapping in the breezes of January that I was a person that anyone would have concluded "had it all together!"

That is of course except for the dang zipper!

So, being tempted now sometimes to have a pity party, I try to remember how pitiful I was limping up and down the "big man" section of the farm store looking to find some generosity.

Hard heavy thoughts to remember yes...but seeking lighter living...I best not forget!