IF NOT HERE, WHERE? IF NOT NOW, WHEN?

In 1990 I broke down, went to Weight Watchers and lost 118 pounds weighing in at 183. 

The following 20 years of denial got me back up to a whopping 379 pounds!

In 2010 I broke down, went to Mercy Weight Loss Center and lost 104 pounds weighing in at 275.

So far in 2011 I'm up to 304 pounds.

When I crossed the 100 pound threshold in August of 2011 something broke again.

It seems my motivation, my will (or as I call it my won't) collapses after a certian time on a strict weight management regimen.

It takes me years to get in the right frame of mind, and then it seems it's all or nothing for several months of healthy weight management...and then I break...again.

At first it was a "green break".  I was bending just far enought to fray around the edges of my eating, and started going up and down the same few pounds.  Lately though the tear has widened and now it's mostly ups rather than downs at the scale.

I am no longer on a "diet".  I am learning "weight management".  Learning to live with eating patterns that will sustain weight loss and healthier living.  I have learned alot about what works, and lately, even more about what doesn't.

I don't think I have another 20 years to waste to get and stay in the proper weight management frame of mind.

Writing about it seems to help.

'THE GROOVE"

Self denial where food is concerned is not my forte.

Left to my own devices I would overeat on air if it were possible.

Part of the reason it is so hard for me to stay "in the groove" or mindset of eating less to lose weight is the fear of feeling hungry and never being satisfied.

Being satisfied with proper amounts of food is the "fat between my ears."

Food has always been more than simple nourishing enjoyment for me. It is totally wrapped up in emotions that I can scarcely identify.  It is extremely hard for me to stop eating and ask why I am eating. 

I really don't want to know why I am eating as that would force me to face potentially uncomfortable feelings...and...we can't have that!

Weight management is really as simple as controlling intake of calories and upping the output of exercise calories. This is what I call "the groove".

Simple.

Not easy!

Unless I'm in "the groove."

For me that entails a super-awareness of my entire force of will to accomplish weight loss.  A "hyper" motivation, a constant vigil of high mental, physical and emotional energy that gets focused like a laser beam in my consciousness to stay within the parameters of my eating/exercise program. 

Last year I was in that groove for about six months and lost 107 pounds! Yay!

Now almost a year later I am up about 16 pounds.

Frankly I have at least another 60+ pounds to lose, so this is the incorrect direction! DUH!

I am learning that being in the groove can mean something less than total consumption of every waking moment to guard my mouth from food.

It has to mean something more than that, as that "groove" is thouroghly mind-numbingly unsustainable for the rest of my life.

I have to be in weight management mode, not diet mode. It also helps while you are in weight management mode that you lose or at least maintain your weight. Ahem.

It is easy to be discouraged. I have been discouraged these last 16 pounds for sure! 

It is easy to have a pity party and pout.

It is easy to have almost any and every negative energy force you can imagine when you are gaining weight back. None of that helps, so I try not to waste too much time on that.

Key word: try.

It is NOT easy to write about it.  Hence very few entries these past few months.  

But I'm still here, I'm still learning, I still face the scale and allow myself to be held accountable at the weight loss center.

I guess I'm still willing to write about these experiences.

I really do not know it all. That is embarrasing and hurts my overgrown pride and ego. 

Oh well!

Tough tiddly-winks and all that.

I know what works for me, and as I fall, I intend to fall forward into the skills that I've been learning these past 17 months.

Who knows? I may even start losing weight again.

HOME OF THE FREE, LAND OF THE BRAVE!

So I've been on a break from this blog for two months...the bloom has been off the rose for a little while.  That's typical me...into something with all four feet and then cooling off.

Weight management, while never fun, has been less so these last four months.  I've managed to put some weight back on...about 16 pounds.

From a high of 379 to a low of 272 to a current weight of 288.


Learning to live "free" of overeating takes skill and determination and guts.  It's not for sissies.  It's hard as hell! 


Fighting a roller coaster of emotions and self-loathing and also not using food to buffer these feelings is a lifelong process...I will never "arrive".  I also do not have to give up...and while there have been days, I generally intend to learn the skills needed to prolong my life (and my quality of life) by continuing to manage my weight while trying not to beat myself up and/or quit because of consistent backsliding.


I just need to backslide in the other direction!

I have taken a little "rest" from writing the last couple of months as I haven't been as succesful in weight loss lately and I have been humbled some, I definitly do not have all the answers.  I was writing as if everyone was entitled to my opinion...which of course they are...but I got a little cocky.

It was a heck of a lot easier to write it when I was losing consistently and feeling so much better about myself.  That being said, most people who struggle with their weight have times of inconsistencies and weight gain, if not flat out failure. 

Writing from a position of weakness, could actually make it a better blog...I suspect many people will relate.  Finding that voice of hope and encouragement myself so I can write the way I wish to is the process I am currently going through.

I'm not sure how often I will have something to say, but as I do, it will show up here. In the meantime, if you are new to the blog, there is a wealth of information here already.

Living free from the tyranny of food, and being brave enough to write about it is now my goal.  Along with continued weight management  and ultimately weight loss!

God Bless the USA!

And thanks to my new friend Scott who nudged me back to this blog!

SQUARE MELON OR BLOCK~HEAD???

Square fruit stuns Japanese shoppers Japan has again shown off one of its greatest innovations - square watermelons. For years consumers struggled to fit the large round fruit in their refrigerators. The round watermelon is unlikely to go out of favour   And then there was the problem of trying to cut the fruit when it kept rolling around. But 20 years ago a forward-thinking farmer on Japan's south-western island of Shikoku solved the problem. The farmer, from Zentsuji in Kagawa prefecture, came up  with the idea of making a cube-shaped watermelon which could easily be packed and stored. Fashion food To make it happen, farmers grew the melons in glass boxes and the fruit then naturally assumed the same shape. Today the cuboid watermelons are hand-picked and shipped all over Japan. But the fruit, on sale in a selection of department stores and upmarket supermarkets, appeals mainly to the wealthy and fashion-conscious of Tokyo and Osaka, Japan's two major cities. Each melon sells for 10,000 yen, equivalent to about $83. It is almost double, or even triple, that of a normal watermelon. "I can't buy it, it is too expensive," said a woman browsing at a  department store in the southern city of Takamatsu."  SOURCE: BBC NEWS ~ http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/1390088.stm Round melons in square boxes?  Square pegs in round holes?  This is an amazing true story of man's creativeness and ingenuity!  I like things like this...they intrigue me. And this story made me think about how similar my own life is metaphorically to these melons. Only the story of my life to date would be how I "outgrew" (weight wise) the parameters of the box I was in. I ended up not becoming who I could be and became way more than I should be! My corrupt nature doesn't want to conform to any sort of restriction.  I was meant to be a "round melon" and becoming square was well...too confining. No one should be able to tell me what to do, not the least would be the dang scale!  What is the scale anyway?  Just a bunch of numbers that screamed back at me at how round and un-square and un-conformed I was.  Dang stoopid scale anyway!

TORN BETWEEN TWO LOVERS

"Torn between two lovers, feelin' like a fool..."

Yep, that's me.

I want to love eating healthy and the results of lost weight, better health, smaller clothes, fewer meds, and not always avoiding mirrors.

On the other hand I really love Jerry's pizza with everything including the ingredients they normally don't put on the pizza when some one orders everything!  

I found that out several years ago. 

 I ordered everything on the pizza and they said does that include Canadian bacon and black olives?  I said well isn't that normally on an "everything" pizza? They said no, not unless it was SPECIFICALLY ordered.  I said well, I'm specifically ordering it to be included on my everything pizza.

Actually we used to call them "garbage pizzas" because of all the ingredients.  OH!  And extra cheese too!

Nice rare sirloins hot off the grill, noodles, fresh baked bread...and various other things I put into my mouth that never satisfied very long. 

I was always looking for the next food fix.

What combinations of food can I eat that will satisfy my hunger, taste great and...

And what?

That's as far as I got.

"What combinations of food can I eat that will satisfy my hunger, taste great..."

The satisfaction, if one can even truly call it that, was always~always~always short-lived!

While I was eating whatever unhealthy (or even occasionally something healthy) food that was on the plate (or in my hand or on YOUR plate!) I would be thinking about what I would be eating  for my next meal. 

Usually that meant I would be eating all day long non-stop, except to go pee.  Come to think of it that was most days!

You always knew when it was going to be a "BIG" eating day.  My chair would be sitting in front of the open refrigerator door!

Really doesn't sound like any amount of food can "satisfy" does it?

Food that is eaten compulsively and not eaten to satisfy true hunger and nutritional needs is like a lady of the evening offering "true love".

She may look enticing, she may smell nice, she may say all the right words and convince you to eat now and diet tomorrow...but she will lead you to hell.  But not before heaping lots of guilt and shame on first!

I have never been sorry for food that I did not eat.

Never.

So torn between two lovers I can...

 Choose to live a crappy life over-abundantly with food

                                      OR

live life with better health and fewer platters.

Is it even really a choice?

Yes it is...only God can help me choose real life.

Left on my own...

...Think I'll go close the refrigerator door now.

BUCKED OFF THE HORSE!

Well................

 

This is part of life as a compulsive eater to one extent or another.

 

Preferably a lesser extent obviously!

 

This week, early on I was as good as I ever am and felt a sense of satisfaction (pride?) that I still was able to get back in the saddle and eat like I was really gonna manage my weight and actually lose some weight again!

 

I didn't even feel hungry for having drastically cut back on the volume of food I was eating.

 

Then came Thursday.

 

We went to Omaha on Friday and ate at one of Guy Fieri's Diners, Drive Inns and Dives for lunch..."Sammy Amato's Joint".

 

For supper we went to a steakhouse, had two appetizers along with our meal.

 

On Saturday we were at a bible study at the Black Bear Diner in Sioux City for lunch and the study.  They serve HUGE portions and I did everything but lick the plate!

 

Whatever weight management I managed in the first part of the week  has completely disappeared by now.

 

NOW WE HAVE A CHOICE:  Are we on a "diet" or are we weight managers?

 

Do we let the scale crush us or use it as a tool for feedback?

 

The "easy" way is to hit ourselves over the head, beat ourselves up and throw up our hands in despair.

 

It is extremely easy to get bucked off the horse...CLIMBING BACK IN THE SADDLE IS HARD!

 

What choices are there?

 

Give up and get buried in a piano case?

 

Well, as bad as I feel about not eating under control, the alternative of giving up isn't appealing either.

 

I have a tendency to blow my failures out of proportion...yet I NEED to use the upsetness of the failure to spur me forward...to "fail forward."

 

Yesterday is gone...today is all that matters now.

 

Weight managers have the same problem as Dracula's victims ~ It's the first bite you have to watch out for!

 

So I'm watching out for that first bite and will seek God's help not to eat it uncontrollably. 

Again.

Is it fun? No!

Am I better at using weight management skills than before?

Mostly.

Practicing weight management skills has to be part of your life...has to be.

Even if some days you completely walk away from healthy eating, even if it stretches into a week or a month...well that's where accountability comes in...it's the only way to counter not getting back in the saddle.

The week I stop weighing in, in front of my mentors who hold me accountable, is the day they start shopping for my piano case.

 

HIDING FROM ME

Has there ever been a time when thinking about eating, overeating, planning my next meal while eating, guilt from overeating and feeling crappy due to eating too much was not part of my life?

Yes, yes I think there was a time...it was in July. Yep July around the 7th. in hmmm... let's see...1967 I believe!

My first 50 years were all wrapped up in that life.

Thirteen months ago, God intervened and got me to a weight loss center.  It is a doctor monitored program and very healthy, which is to say that it is not "gimmicky". Gimmicks are only good for the people selling to you, they do not have your best interest in mind even if you know what they are doing and willingly go along with it.  We can really fool ourselves if we want to!

By August of 2010, I had lost just over 100 pounds and gotton down to my lowest weight in years. I weighed in at 272.  I felt great!  And still do!

BUT, (there's always one of those isn't there?)

THE STRAIGHT AND NARROW WAY

JESUS SAID: “You can enter God’s Kingdom only through the narrow gate. The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose that way. But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few ever find it." MATTHEW 7:13-14

Jesus was speaking of your spiritual journey. My spiritual journey...really, anyone who seeks after God and His ways.

Which is not to say that God is hard to find...He isn't.  He was there all the time waiting patiently in line for me to figure that out.  As the saying goes, "If you find yourself farther away from God than before, guess who moved?"

Jesus CLEARLY stated that He was THE Way, Truth and the Life. 

How we respond is up to us. 

How do you respond to pure love? 

Selfishly, I want a broad, well defined clearly marked road. No hills to climb AND I shouldn't even be able to stub my toe!

But it's in the special paths God chooses for us that we must seek. 

Jesus walked the way of suffering how does my pipsqueak whiny junk compare to that?

When I try to go my own way...well it's like one of your kids who is sure they know better than mom and dad...if they're smart (and how could they not be SMART? they ARE your kids!)~~~they'll come around to your way of thinking eventually...I hope. 


I'm still waiting on a couple things for my kids to come around to...

...and God waits for me as His child to decide to try it His way too!  

One of those broad paths to eating hell I have used all my life is CONSUMING food to attempt to fill up the hole in my soul that only God can fill.


For the purposes of our talk today I'd like to borrow from this line of thinking and see how it relates to the process I go through for weight management.

I would prefer that I was determined enough to just follow a clearly marked path to eating recovery.  One, two, three.

I find that I meander through some side trails that are less clearly marked, and are tougher going.  Some of these are my stubborness to not do what I know I'm supposed to do concerning what I put into my mouth.

Others, God beckons me to. If I would only listen! 

Some, He allows me to get off the completely correct path of weight management so that I can learn how to stay on the "right" path better next time.

When I reread that it sounds like a fancy way to make an excuse for blowing my eating plan.

Yet, if I'm willing, God can even use that if I let Him.

It's no surprise to God that I am less than perfect in my eating. 

Everything in my life is "less than perfect" and I sin alot.

{Much to my shame.}

 Life is a dress rehearsal for the big event called eternity.  I find my clothes get snagged on the bramble bushes I come in contact with on the uneven, less than straight path(s) I end up on.  

No surprise to God.

What is surprising is the way He can use our mistakes to teach us...if we listen.

Sometimes I think God wants me to just relax and enjoy the view from where I'm at.  If I constantly agitate about what I do, or where I'm at, I literally do not stop to smell the roses.

Never mind that the roses actually grew on this sidewinder path because there was lots of bear pooh for fertilizer!  Ahem. 

I may feel lost, dazed and confused.  But God knows where I'm at.

There are no shortcuts to where I need to go.

Thomas Edison said concerning the trial and error in finding a workable element for the lightbulb: "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

Oh how I wish to cultivate that attitude. 

This or "that path is a dead end...let's try another route." 

 Funny how I find myself crawling down a dead end path I've explored before many times!

Obviously if you read me regularly, you've seen some of the thickets I've gotton into. 

My life is messy and a mess.  I'm far from perfect as you can plainly see. 

Read back over my early entries on this site, why I had this diet tiger by the tail!!

Ya.

I had to be there to get here. 

I need a closer walk with Jesus.  Renew my mind with God's thoughts.  Seek His will for my life. 

Jesus is my example. 

Jesus said, "I and my Father are one." They were so intimately acquainted with each other that they were in complete agreement.

Jesus, having taken on the form of a man, submitted His will to the Father.

If Jesus had to submit, how do I think I don't have to?

Now I'm older, maybe wiser, and thinner too...maybe... but I still suffer from waaaaay too much fat between my ears!

And I have the blisters on my feet to show the rough trails I've taken to avoid God's way. 

THE PIZZA WARS

Last Friday lunch was brought into work...a rare occasion.  Normally, I have my own "safe" food to eat, which was available, but this was pizza!

Like the Japanese sneak attack on Pearl Harbor, my ship was sunk!

I have had one sample bite of pizza at Sam's Club in the thirteen months I've been working to get my life back and my eating and weight under control.  That sample bite was about 6 weeks ago.

About 3 weeks ago I was sorely tempted to order a pizza for home delivery as no one else was going to be at home and they wouldn't see me over eat.  I called my dietician and asked her to hold me accountable so that I would not end up ordering it.  That worked.  I knew she would ask, and that kept me on the path.

I had forgotton (on purpose?) that pizza was being served last friday. My guard was down...I decided to eat one piece.

Then I had a second one.

After everyone else left the office I went to the refrigerator and took two more pieces.

And I ate them.

This pizza was from one of my least favorite pizza chains.  If I were ordering pizza, I would not choose them.

My favorite pizza comes from Jerry's Pizza: 276-2359.  That number had been memorized by me some 40 years ago.  (They are a second and third generation business in my home town.) 

If I was going to totally blow my weight management I would eat 4 or more of there slices!

So not only did I blow my routine, I did it with crappy pizza!

That's the way of someone who is a compulsive overeater.

I'm still an expert at overeating, and beating myself up for it.

I have confirmed that pizza is one of my red light, three alarm trigger foods to be avoided at all costs.

I knew that already.  I know it again now.

So life goes on.

I attended an Overeaters Anonymous meeting on saturday, and have been pretty much on track to weight management again.  

Not perfect...but progress.

I'm not proud of the weakness I displayed, and I'm not happy to write about it.

This is one of my "crosses" to bear.

It could be so much worse, so I try not to have a pity party.  This isn't cancer for heavens sake!!

I am a work in progress...and a real piece of work!

And onward we go!

THE VIEW FROM HERE

About a year ago, Feb. 16, 2010 I started attending a weight loss clinic in my town.  They offer the HMR diet plan. http://www.hmrprogram.com/  I lost just over 100 pounds in 188 days and I have kept that weight off for seven months now.

I lost the 100 pounds by eating only their food...that is considered "Phase 1" of their program.


In "Phase 2", real world food is gradually reintroduced along with weekly classes to help you transition back into the real eating world in a safe and sane manner in a concerted effort to be trained how to eat healthily and maintain your weight loss for the rest of your life.


In Phase 1, I had very few decisions about food to make. I simply ate their food...period. If I got hungry, I had another of their meals or shakes. Very simple, very easy a little boring but you cannot kick on the results!




Now after 7 months of eating more real world food and the accompanying decisions of "to eat or not to eat" gets me worn down.  It is hard for me to start and stop in moderation!! 

It gets old, and my attitude is less than "stellar" sometimes.

YOUR FACE LOOKS PUFFY ~ ARE YOU GAINING WEIGHT?

A friend asked me this week if I was gaining some of my weight back.  He said that my face looked "puffy".

He has genuine concern for my health and my weight loss status and I appreciate his concern.

It was hard to hear the question and I wanted to be indignant about his lack of perception and discretion, but in reality, I am really struggling.

The honeymoon phase of weight management is officially over.

If you've ever been on a diet or tried to lose weight there are definite stages that are common to most. 

The first stage is very hopeful and you feel good about a new fresh start.  You are happy that you are going to start taking better care of yourself and finally shed the extra pounds.  Chances are you have some plan.  It could be from a magazine article, or attending a weight loss center, it might be a  fitness group you join at your church or gym.  Typically I find that I work better in a group support setting.

MAD,SAD,GLAD OR SCARED

I am an emotional eater.

I seldom know what emotion I am "eating"...but I do.

And I have.

I used to say if it was a "good" day ~~"Let's order a pizza!" 

If it was a "bad" day ~~"Let's order a pizza and get EXTRA cheeze!"


That was pretty much my emotional range.  Though I didn't really recognise that about myself at the time.  Or only to the extent to joke about it, which is one of me "defense" mechanisms.

Who defends me from me???

"Ooooh...Mongo happy...oooohhh....eeeeatttt.
Ooooh...Mongo sad...oooohhh....eeeeatttt."


Yes, I realize it's more complex than that...but I was never concerned with what emotion was causing me to eat...they were mostly negative emotions I was trying to stuff away with food.


Food first, feel later. Hopefully later will be a long way off.

CATCHING THE MONKEY

                        Here is a kind of monkey trap used in Asia.

A coconut is hollowed out and attached by a rope to a tree or stake in the ground. At the bottom of the coconut a small slit is made and some sweet food is placed inside. The hole on the bottom is just big enough for the monkey to slide in his open hand, but does not allow for a closed fist to pass out. The monkey smells the sweets, reaches in with his hand to grasp the food and is then unable to withdraw it. The clenched fist won’t pass through the opening.

When the hunters come, the monkey becomes frantic but cannot get away. There is no one keeping that monkey captive, except the force of his own attachment. All that he has to do is open his hand. But so strong is the force of greed in the mind that it is a rare monkey which can let go.

It is the desires and clinging in our minds which keep us trapped. All we need do is open our hands, let go of our selves, our attachments, and be free.

(Excerpt from: "The Experience of Insight" by Joseph Goldstein)

Vincent Price, was a bit of a Renaissance man...good at a lot of things...a famous actor, a gourmet cook who co-authored a cookbook with his wife,  he collaborated with the famous director Tim Burton (Edward Scissorhands) and did voice over work on Michael Jackson's album "Thriller". 

Page from Sears Catalog offering fine art
recommended by Vincent Price.

He studied fine art as a student at Yale University in the 1930's and this famous "horror" actor was also an art collector.  He collected hundreds of pieces of fine art and later donated many art works and money to East Los Angeles College.  In fact Sears even sold the "Vincent Price Collection of Fine Art" in the 1960's.






 

BURN THE SHIPS!

"When Spanish Conquistador Hernando Cortez landed in Mexico, one of his first orders to his men was to burn the ships. Cortez was committed to his mission and did not want to allow himself or his men the option of going back to Spain. By removing this option, Cortez and his men were forced to focus on how they could make the mission successful.

They had no ships to retreat to and only God to assist them."

I've been struggling lately in my overall commitment to healthy living.  I have not been exercising much at all, and eating "properly" gets real old at times.  I am very thankful that I have been able to maintain the weight loss I have, but wonder if I will really manage to lose further weight and keep it off for the future.

I have a lot of fears.  I don't like that I worry so much, but in a way, that is a positive thing.  Not the worry, but my recognising it for what it is. 

I have always "eaten my feelings."  Good and bad feelings.  It is easy to fall into that trap because it is such familiar territory.  In times past I have always preferred dealing with the devil I knew. 

The new "devil" might be worse!  Again fear!

What if I step off this program and start eating super compulsively again?

ONE BITE IS TOO MANY ~ 10,000 BITES ARE NOT ENOUGH!

I was shopping at a local grocery store this week and walked by their hot food area.  They serve Chinese, Mexican and Italian plus some regular meat and potato entrees.

A young lady was standing behind a cut up freshly baked pizza and was offering passers by a taste.  All this takes place just ahead of the fresh produce aisle which is where I was heading...honest!

I find myself making instant decisions about food quite often every day.  Most of the time the default decision is "NO!  I won't eat that food right now."

Sometimes it's: "NO!  I won't eat that food right now."

 I walked past hurriedly and focused on the bananas 50 feet down the aisle.  Nice yellow/green bananas.  Good bananas. Sweet tasting healthy bananas.  Bananas...rich in potassium!  Bananas...so good and so good for you!

Sigh.

A CREATURE OF HABIT

I admit it I am a creature of habit.

 I buy gas at the same filling station and bank at the same bank that my folks did. I grew up with Skippy peanut butter and see no reason to try any other brand. (Except PB2! Boy that's good!)


I like a certain brand of shirt, and any shirt I buy must have a pocket! MUST!

I prefer Hanes to Fruit of the Loom,  and I used to prefer Chrysler products but Chevrolet may be winning me over. 

Maybe.

THE UNGODLY POWER OF ONE STRING BEAN (part two)

Fat food...I mean fast food in America: Abundant and cheap. "Freedom fries" anyone??

Yesterday we were talking about freedom, and the prosperity it has brought to the United States.  Food is abundant and cheap and on just about every main street in America.

[I understand that there are kids who go to sleep hungry in the U.S. and I am not saying that we don't have poverty.  Societies will always have poor people, and my wife and I donate to our church's food pantry and support a little girl from Albania.] 

While that may not be deemed enough, this discussion is about FREEDOM TO DO WHAT WE "  SHOULD" DO AS IT RELATES TO WEIGHT MANAGEMENT.

I know, I ramble!

I read a book called Compulsive Overeating by Bill B. (Reference my blog entry from Dec.11, 2010 : THE MAN IN THE MIRROR )

THE UNGODLY POWER OF ONE STRING BEAN! (part one)

We Americans are big on freedom.

We’ve fought most of our wars for the cause of freedom from tyranny. The most important export the United States sends overseas is this idea, this mantra if you will, of seeking the inalienable right endowed by our Creator of “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”



We have this freedom purchased for us by those patriots who shed blood, lost limbs and died for the greater good of their fellow countrymen. This is a lesson in self-sacrifice that I don’t consider nearly enough in my day to day living.


So why is a weight management blog discussing freedom??

POWERLESS OVER FOOD

The Twelve Steps of Overeaters Anonymous

1. We admitted we were powerless over food — that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to compulsive overeaters and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Permission to use the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous for adaptation granted by AA World Services, Inc.

Oh I can kid myself alright.  

Me unable to control what and how much I eat??

"Give me a break, I can stop overeating anytime I want! "

"I just love food, that's all!"

"What's the harm in another (slice, cup, piece, portion, bag, box, fill in the blank) anyway?"

Reality check: Go step on the scale, big guy.

What is "pleasant" about being plump?

"Big boned" in reality is a myth, unless you're in the butcher shop.  And even then, has nothing to do with your weight.

"Fat people are usually jolly." If we are outwardly, it's only because we want to distract you from our rotundness, and make you like us in spite of our big bellies (that must be jelly, cause jam don't shake like that!)

Sigh.

THE MAN IN THE MIRROR

I've been reading this book. 

Written by a man who attended Overeaters Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, lost 75 pounds and kept it off by working their 12 step program.  For someone like me struggling with food as I do it has been a Godsend!

I see myself in this book.  Apparently I am a compulsive over eater, food addict...however you wish to describe it.


Looking in the mirror and really seeing oneself with all the baggage included and REALLY understanding that losing the weight and STILL having problems with food that WILL NOT go away...EVER...and further realizing now that the fat is diminishing that the fat was not really the problem..."merely a symptom of a deeper spiritual need." 

Merely a symptom!  I don't even know what to say to that!