POWERLESS OVER FOOD

The Twelve Steps of Overeaters Anonymous

1. We admitted we were powerless over food — that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to compulsive overeaters and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Permission to use the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous for adaptation granted by AA World Services, Inc.

Oh I can kid myself alright.  

Me unable to control what and how much I eat??

"Give me a break, I can stop overeating anytime I want! "

"I just love food, that's all!"

"What's the harm in another (slice, cup, piece, portion, bag, box, fill in the blank) anyway?"

Reality check: Go step on the scale, big guy.

What is "pleasant" about being plump?

"Big boned" in reality is a myth, unless you're in the butcher shop.  And even then, has nothing to do with your weight.

"Fat people are usually jolly." If we are outwardly, it's only because we want to distract you from our rotundness, and make you like us in spite of our big bellies (that must be jelly, cause jam don't shake like that!)

Sigh.


When I was watching points ala Weight Watchers I really tried to go through the McDonald's drive through and only order ONE breakfast biscuit or muffin.

Could not do it.  

COULD NOT!

It was literally impossible.  I would tell myself that when I got to the menu sign I would only ask for one muffin.  Oh the pressure, the pain! of only ordering one!

It never happened!  I would ALWAYS cave in and order two.  I still counted the W.W. points but it made it all the harder to have a successful total of points at the end of the day....AND at the end of the week, month etcetera.


Of course I wanted my cake and wanted to eat it too!  I wanted to eat my "normal" foods and still lose weight.  I did not want to face the reality of a permanent change to the way I did things.  I wanted it my way.

My way!

ME ~ ME ~ ME!

It's always been about me!

Damn the torpedoes...full steam ahead!


Oh I lost weight.  In my 51 years I've lost 40 pounds, 45 pounds, 117 pounds, 27 pounds, 36 pounds, 21 pounds and currently over 100 pounds again!

Whoop de freaken do!

I still have no real control over the roaring tiger of  mindless overeating.


Until now I have always gained every ounce and more back!


I am at that cross roads again.


My modus operandi  is to now completely throw caution to the wind, tell myself I will only gain and lose the same 5 pounds and eat whatever I want, whenever I want and to hell with dieting.  Oh! And refuse the feedback the dang scale gives by never being caught in the same room with one again!

This time I've been calling it "Weight Management."

This time I allowed my picture to appear in the local paper for months in the weight loss center's advertising. So everyone knows what has been done in hopes that the city-wide shame of gaining weight back will stop me from doing so.

This  time I've been blogging the experience so the whole world (potentially) will know of my failure and keep me on track.

This time I invested some real financial resources into losing weight and maintaining the weight I lose.  We just spent $15 dollars on grapes today!  And with no exaggeration, we have easily spent $250.00 plus on apples this fall!


This time, with a grateful heart, I volunteer my experiences of weight loss to potential clients of the weight loss center.

This time, I force myself to weigh in front of one of my weight loss mentors every week.  And I call my dietitian mid-week to report what I have eaten and whether or not I've done any exercise. (This is their program, I am just willingly submitting to it.)


This time I'm willing to consider the tenants of Overeaters Anonymous and admit publicly that my way has never worked.


AND that I am powerless over food and my life has become unmanageable because of it.

Heavy thoughts? Definitely!
Lighter Living?  Stay Tuned!