'THE GROOVE"

Self denial where food is concerned is not my forte.

Left to my own devices I would overeat on air if it were possible.

Part of the reason it is so hard for me to stay "in the groove" or mindset of eating less to lose weight is the fear of feeling hungry and never being satisfied.

Being satisfied with proper amounts of food is the "fat between my ears."

Food has always been more than simple nourishing enjoyment for me. It is totally wrapped up in emotions that I can scarcely identify.  It is extremely hard for me to stop eating and ask why I am eating. 

I really don't want to know why I am eating as that would force me to face potentially uncomfortable feelings...and...we can't have that!

Weight management is really as simple as controlling intake of calories and upping the output of exercise calories. This is what I call "the groove".

Simple.

Not easy!

Unless I'm in "the groove."

For me that entails a super-awareness of my entire force of will to accomplish weight loss.  A "hyper" motivation, a constant vigil of high mental, physical and emotional energy that gets focused like a laser beam in my consciousness to stay within the parameters of my eating/exercise program. 

Last year I was in that groove for about six months and lost 107 pounds! Yay!

Now almost a year later I am up about 16 pounds.

Frankly I have at least another 60+ pounds to lose, so this is the incorrect direction! DUH!

I am learning that being in the groove can mean something less than total consumption of every waking moment to guard my mouth from food.

It has to mean something more than that, as that "groove" is thouroghly mind-numbingly unsustainable for the rest of my life.

I have to be in weight management mode, not diet mode. It also helps while you are in weight management mode that you lose or at least maintain your weight. Ahem.

It is easy to be discouraged. I have been discouraged these last 16 pounds for sure! 

It is easy to have a pity party and pout.

It is easy to have almost any and every negative energy force you can imagine when you are gaining weight back. None of that helps, so I try not to waste too much time on that.

Key word: try.

It is NOT easy to write about it.  Hence very few entries these past few months.  

But I'm still here, I'm still learning, I still face the scale and allow myself to be held accountable at the weight loss center.

I guess I'm still willing to write about these experiences.

I really do not know it all. That is embarrasing and hurts my overgrown pride and ego. 

Oh well!

Tough tiddly-winks and all that.

I know what works for me, and as I fall, I intend to fall forward into the skills that I've been learning these past 17 months.

Who knows? I may even start losing weight again.