I WATCH PEOPLE EAT

 I was at a two day conference out of town this week.  They served us boxed lunches both days.  This conference also had various miniature chocolates and bags of peanuts replenished at each of the tables we sat at during the day.

So I had the opportunity to practice self-restraint.  I was with my best friend and since we were both out of town we also ate at a couple of restaurants for our suppers.

Lots of choices.

Now, I equate salads with “diet food” and generally do not eat them. I’ve eaten so much salad while dieting in my life; I usually don’t choose to make a meal of them while I am learning to manage my weight.  However we sought out a restaurant known for their salad bar and it was really GOOD!  My tastes have changed and I crave vegetables and fruits now more than sweets and high fat foods…usually. Apparently the trick is not to get bored with eating the same food over and over.

During this conference, I observed some other people’s eating habits.  Most were satisfied with eating one miniature candy bar for something sweet to end the meal with.  They also didn’t go back to see if there were any extra boxed lunches available for “seconds”.  These are traits that I haven’t acquired easily in my life. 

Many ate much slower than I. 

I’ve begun to realize that while my choices of foods are generally lower calorie than before, the speed at which I eat them hasn’t slowed down much.  I am a “volume” eater and I eat in a hurry.  It is tremendously hard to slow myself down.  However, when I do slow down and let my stomach catch up to my brain to tell me I’m full, I don’t eat as much. 

So I need to begin to watch HOW I eat as well as WHAT I eat.   

Plus, because eating and tasting food has been such a “comfort” thing for me emotionally, even when I feel full, I don’t want to stop eating because I want to continue to make myself “feel better” with food.

An impossible thing for food to do, but I’ve tried to make food do that my whole fat life!

Am I really that unbalanced?  Do I really need to eat a volume of food to “feel better”?  As I write this, my stomach is overfull, yet my brain tells me to go get a bowl of cereal.

What am I really hungry for??

I have been conditioned to eat to relieve emotional pain (I think)…but based on the amount of food and the weight I’ve gained over the years, how screwed up must I really be?  (Rhetorical question, you don’t need to answer!)

Does food really make me feel better?  How do I break this cycle of connecting eating with feeling better emotionally?  I really think the food is a “band-aid” covering something else up…so I’ll have to start doing my homework and figure “me” out.

This is a process that will take some time, hopefully I can gain some “personal growth” that doesn’t reflect on the scale!

I watch people eat; I need to do more of that…because I sure don’t eat like most of them!

Stay tuned…