So recently my diet program has changed to include fruits, vegetables, (LEAN!) proteins and whole grains. This has been a gradual process of being weaned off of HMR’s prepared foods and a return to “regular” foods bit by bit.
I thought for sure during the first phase of this diet regimen that as soon as I was allowed to eat a little bread again I would swoop down on Panera’s bakery like a tramp chasing a biscuit!
So in the few weeks I’ve been allowed to eat whole grain bread how many trips to Panera bread have I made??
NADA! That’s right---not one time!
I know it surprised me too!
I’ve had two pieces of whole grain toast at home out of an ordinary over the counter bread since I was given permission to slowly reintroduce this food to my diet.
I’ve had about 6 or 7 baked potatoes in the 5 weeks since I could start eating vegetables again.
In the 2 weeks I’ve been allowed to reintroduce lean protein back in I’ve had about 4 cups of low-fat cottage cheese, and one chicken fajita.
So what gives?
The human brain or mine anyway always wants what it cannot have.
Hence my wife let me chase her until she caught me! (But that is, Ahem, another story!)
While I was on the strictest part of the diet I often thought of the day when I could have stuff I wasn’t eating, so why haven’t I just gone …excuse the expression…Hog Wild??
Well, #1 I’m scared a little bit. What type of food from my old ways of eating will trigger a relapse? Right now I’m in the “zone” of really taking care of myself…I have become comfortable in the eating routine I have been on these past 6 months.
#2 and more importantly, I think I have adapted, if you will, to a different way of eating. Adapted…..not conquered! I enjoy vegetables and fruits more than I used to, and I really don’t miss the bad stuff all that much after being away from almost all of it for over 6 months now. I’ve been to eating/obesity hell, lived there a long time….not anxious right now to move back in.
Will I never eat chips again, or crackers or cheese or pizza? Honestly, I don’t know. I think I know that if they are eaten, they have to be eaten under strict control and I have to be held accountable for how much I eat of these types of food.
No one likes to be accountable to anyone else very much, especially when it concerns a personal matter like what one is eating….it’s humbling, but pretty much necessary for me.
The day I stop weighing in front of my mentors, is the day I start back down the path to eating hell and death.
So what am I missing by changing how I eat?
I’m missing not being able to catch my breath after the least little bit of exertion.
I’m missing not being able to be sanitarily clean after a trip to the bathroom.
I'm missing having to wait for a table to open up at a restaurant because I can't fit into a booth!!
I’m missing having to shop for clothes online exclusively as no one stocks the sizes I need to wear locally.
I’m missing opportunities to dodge any camera that happens to appear.
I’m missing having to grab onto anything in order for my arms to help my legs lift me up out of any reclining position.
I’m missing the looks of disapproval or concern from my loved ones as I lumber back for seconds.
Oh! And I’m missing about 97 pounds from where I was six months ago too!!
So, as always, I still struggle with some heavy thoughts, but I try to let them motivate me to embrace light living.
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