REFLECTIONS ON THANKSGIVING AND DRAGON SLAYING

I had my first "holiday" meal of the season last Sunday.

It was at my sisters home and it was a chance to put into practice wise food choices.

It was scary and exhilarating at the same time.

I had some foods and flavors that had not come across my palate for many, many months.  Things tasted good like I knew they would and I mainly ate whatever I wanted without thought to calories...only thoughts of portion sizes.

A "spoon full" in most cases was enough to satisfy my hunger for the "exotic" flavors I hadn't had for awhile.

Honestly though I relearned that I am only ever one bite away from a binge and/or relapse. (My trouble foods at this meal? - Peanut brittle so thin you could see through it and homemade raisin bread that I will order at the first banquet feast in heaven!)

I am not a normal eater, whatever that is, it's not me.


There are some red light foods that I should just resolve in my heart mind and soul that I cannot eat them in whatever portion controlled environment I contrive.

I reminded myself to concentrate on the people and the relationships to be found and enjoyed around the tables.  I do indeed love everyone of my extended family members and don't spend enough time with any of them, intellectually I know that it is supposed to be more about the people I'm eating with than it is about the food I'm eating.

Emotionally, the food always clamors to take first place.  It takes effort all the time to make sure food doesn't win. 

Sometimes I just want to lay the sword down and let the food dragon consume me. 

[Poor me! Sigh...]  There is so much more in the world to be happy about than to complain about my efforts to keep food in its proper place! I allow the beastie to appear like a dragon instead of the dragonfly he really is.

So physical/emotional strength and planning only go so far to ward off this compulsion. 

There is the often overlooked (by me), leg of the three legged stool so necessary for me to be free of the demands of the dragon. Fly or otherwise.

God.

I need Him.  I need His help.  I need to be held accountable for my food sanity to Him.

In my entire life I've lost and GAINED over 300 pounds!

Usually at the point I'm at now, I lie to myself and say that I can now go and eat whatever I want but still watch what I eat and only gain and lose the same 5 pounds. 

In my life, that exit ramp has only ever led me down the path of loss of control, failure and watching my thinner body crash through the barrier to overeating oblivion like a car headed over a cliff.

Of course it's always gonna be different "this time".

So God needs to be in the driver's seat, as He is the only one who can safely navigate me down the highway of food sanity, while avoiding the exit ramp to gluttony and hell.

I AM TRULY THANKFULL TO HIM FOR MY LIFE!!

I know He's willing...am I willing to give up my "control"??

Some more heavy thoughts as I begin to let Jesus take the wheel steering me towards light living!