From time to time I run across someone else's writing that just plain says it like I would like to be able to express myself. Coralee Kulman has done this in this entry. I met her (via e-mail) in a support group of newcomers to Overeaters Anonymous Online. With her permission, I reprint her encouraging words that she shared in an "e-mail loop" from that support group:
Hello My Fellow Loopmates:
I have not been sharing and welcoming new members to our loops lately. I have
missed sharing my experience, strength and hope. It always keeps me focused on
the most important thing in my life -- my recovery. It has been an unusual
month and it could have ruined our Christmas. It taught me a great lesson. I
wrote this to help me understand. I hope it might be helpful to you also.
I FOUGHT FOR THE GOOD LIFE I HAVE
It is not the kind of fight you might think. Yet, that is what I did and now
after a month of “fighting” my world that had gone out of control, I now know
why I have a good life.
My Month of Hell
Leaking shower shutting down a furnace in our motor home, nights in a hotel while
repairs being made, having to eat all our meals out, our printer not working, a
crown needing to be replaced that is less than a year old, our television
provider’s control box dying, our refrigerator stopped cooling losing food, our
laptop fussing about the hard drive, hearing about several family members having
crises, not to mention all the financial concerns we were having because of all
the problems we having…on…and…on…and…on!
My world was out of control and in chaos. My stress level was the highest I
remember for years. I became reacquainted with my childhood “what the hell”
rebellion. I felt depression and overwhelmed. I really missed my family. And,
worse of all I felt I was doing something wrong.
I kept wondering where God was and was He trying to teach me something important
to have had so much going on? I would have good days and then it would start
over again with another problem -- one of those kinds of problems that cannot be
fixed in a quick phone call or an email.
Then my son told me about his depression which was in part over the breakup of
his relationship with his girlfriend. He was really down. I felt helpless. I
prayed. I meditated. I waited for God to tell me what to do.
Then it came to me…the wonder of how God had worked weaving all the experiences
of this past month into something quite significant -- it all told me I have a
good life because I fought for it.
The Fight
The kind of fight I am talking about may not the kind of fight you envision. I
am not a super woman fighting a never-ending battle for truth, justice and the
American way!!!! I am an ordinary woman who is also a wife, mother, grandmother
and great-grandmother and a sister. The fight I am talking about was about
never giving up -- as we put it in OA -- I kept coming back. I claimed my good
life and from the very core of my spirit I fought for it.
The fight was about finding out who I was and what my heart really yearned for.
It was a fight to find the true strength that I have.
It was about sorting through the pain, the depression, the confusion and the
deep misunderstanding until clarity became my healer.
It was about falling flat on my face and getting back up time after time until I
learned to stand up strong.
It was about reaching out to others and getting rejected until I learned to
reach out with love and openness and respect and finding acceptance.
It was about taking and taking until people had nothing to give until I learned
how to be supportive and nurturing. I do care. I can sincerely take people
into my arms and heart to hold them until they feel better. I give back now.
It was about facing my fears, my mistakes, my embarrassments until I was wiser
and clearer.
It was about being so weary, so disheartened, so disappointed I wanted to lie
down and give up or run away but I did not.
It was about struggling with crises and chaos and an out-of-control world and
finding peace was always there if I but claimed it.
It was about learning from my diabetes and not letting it change me or my life.
It was about rejecting my own harsh judgments of myself, my self-loathing, my
misguided thinking I was evil underneath and accepting my goodness and ability
to do the right thing.
It was about not letting others define me because I found my own truth.
It was about feeling my feelings and letting the struggles I was experiencing
wash over me until I knew what to do.
It was a fight to find the gifts in the darkness of my life experiences.
Recently, it was a fight with my compulsive overeating until I found success
because of an amazing counselor and OA and my never giving up I could eventually
find the answers. This victory is a life changing, life affirming fight. I won
this one big time.
My Good Life
God wanted to remind me to understand my good life will always be as good as my
fight. It will also be as good as my coming back no matter how difficult it
might become .
God reminded me of my battles and my victories because I needed
to appreciate the good job I have done.
God reminded me my good life is living full time in a 40 ft motor home with my
husband. He is wonderful man and my best friend. Every day I am grateful for
the adventure of a lifetime.
And, so much more….
Most important, I am reminded I have God as a partner who guides me and supports
me with miracles everywhere I turn. Even my unreal month will not be forgotten
because I came out appreciating the fighter I am – and the good life it has
brought me.
A Good Life for You Too!
Here is the one thing I know for sure about the good life. It is available to
anyone. Like I said I am an ordinary woman. I am no one special. I just
fought and kept coming back. Join me in this journey to recovery and we will
all have a good life.
May the New Year bring new dimensions to your life and may they all be GOOD!!!!
Love,
Coralee
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