ALONE AGAIN, NATURALLY!

This is my daughter and I on her wedding day in October of 2013.  As you can see, she is extremely beautiful and I have managed to gain almost all my weight back.  Irregardless this was a supremely happy day for our family and I now have a son...(my first!)

If you can tell me where the disconnect is to where I just eat blindly and gain my 100 pounds back over the last 4 years I'd like to unravel that mystery! As I have said before, I am a  professional over eater!!  What a profession!!

My good and great friend "J.T." has been encouraging me to start writing in my blog again.  It was very therapeutic when I was eating right and staying within the eating plan I used.  Perhaps he is onto something and if I just write it will help my brain/heart/emotions get reoriented into "light living".

Just getting this far to actually put up a new post is HUGE for me...no one says I'm not a complicated tangle of hot mess!  If I start writing here I might have to actually change...GULP!  Up to now I have been happy to just bitch about my weight and keep eating...up to now.  I am beginning to feel awful again...out of breath with a lot of joint pain and always tired. (Well duh! What do I expect??)

But I feel alone.  Obviously I'm not, many many people are concerned for my health and well being, but what I mean is, I alone determine what goes into my mouth...no one else can do that for me.

It is lonely to always put a guard at my mouth.  There is no instant gratification for NOT eating that doughnut...to consistently delay gratification for that "someday" when people notice I've been losing weight or that I actually start feeling better is not very motivating when it's just one little doughnut, french fry, or 16 oz. sirloin. Ahem.

So I don't like it...I hate it...but I'm beginning to hate how I am feeling more.