MAD,SAD,GLAD OR SCARED

I am an emotional eater.

I seldom know what emotion I am "eating"...but I do.

And I have.

I used to say if it was a "good" day ~~"Let's order a pizza!" 

If it was a "bad" day ~~"Let's order a pizza and get EXTRA cheeze!"


That was pretty much my emotional range.  Though I didn't really recognise that about myself at the time.  Or only to the extent to joke about it, which is one of me "defense" mechanisms.

Who defends me from me???

"Ooooh...Mongo happy...oooohhh....eeeeatttt.
Ooooh...Mongo sad...oooohhh....eeeeatttt."


Yes, I realize it's more complex than that...but I was never concerned with what emotion was causing me to eat...they were mostly negative emotions I was trying to stuff away with food.


Food first, feel later. Hopefully later will be a long way off.

WORDS OF WISDOM

Someone has written these beautiful words. Read and try to understand the deep meaning of them .

1. Prayer is not a "spare wheel" that you pull out when in trouble, but it is a "steering wheel" that directs the right path throughout.

2. Friendship is like a BOOK. It takes few seconds to burn, but it takes years to write.


3. All things in life are temporary. If going well, enjoy it; they will not last forever. If going wrong, don't worry, they can't last long either.


4. Old Friends are Gold! New Friends are Diamond! If you get a Diamond, don't forget the Gold! To hold a Diamond, you always need a Base of Gold!


5. Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, GOD smiles from above and says, "Relax, sweetheart, it's just a bend, not the end!

CATCHING THE MONKEY

                        Here is a kind of monkey trap used in Asia.

A coconut is hollowed out and attached by a rope to a tree or stake in the ground. At the bottom of the coconut a small slit is made and some sweet food is placed inside. The hole on the bottom is just big enough for the monkey to slide in his open hand, but does not allow for a closed fist to pass out. The monkey smells the sweets, reaches in with his hand to grasp the food and is then unable to withdraw it. The clenched fist won’t pass through the opening.

When the hunters come, the monkey becomes frantic but cannot get away. There is no one keeping that monkey captive, except the force of his own attachment. All that he has to do is open his hand. But so strong is the force of greed in the mind that it is a rare monkey which can let go.

It is the desires and clinging in our minds which keep us trapped. All we need do is open our hands, let go of our selves, our attachments, and be free.

(Excerpt from: "The Experience of Insight" by Joseph Goldstein)

Vincent Price, was a bit of a Renaissance man...good at a lot of things...a famous actor, a gourmet cook who co-authored a cookbook with his wife,  he collaborated with the famous director Tim Burton (Edward Scissorhands) and did voice over work on Michael Jackson's album "Thriller". 

Page from Sears Catalog offering fine art
recommended by Vincent Price.

He studied fine art as a student at Yale University in the 1930's and this famous "horror" actor was also an art collector.  He collected hundreds of pieces of fine art and later donated many art works and money to East Los Angeles College.  In fact Sears even sold the "Vincent Price Collection of Fine Art" in the 1960's.






 

BURN THE SHIPS!

"When Spanish Conquistador Hernando Cortez landed in Mexico, one of his first orders to his men was to burn the ships. Cortez was committed to his mission and did not want to allow himself or his men the option of going back to Spain. By removing this option, Cortez and his men were forced to focus on how they could make the mission successful.

They had no ships to retreat to and only God to assist them."

I've been struggling lately in my overall commitment to healthy living.  I have not been exercising much at all, and eating "properly" gets real old at times.  I am very thankful that I have been able to maintain the weight loss I have, but wonder if I will really manage to lose further weight and keep it off for the future.

I have a lot of fears.  I don't like that I worry so much, but in a way, that is a positive thing.  Not the worry, but my recognising it for what it is. 

I have always "eaten my feelings."  Good and bad feelings.  It is easy to fall into that trap because it is such familiar territory.  In times past I have always preferred dealing with the devil I knew. 

The new "devil" might be worse!  Again fear!

What if I step off this program and start eating super compulsively again?

I STAND BY THE DOOR by Sam Shoemaker

I stand by the door.



I neither go to far in, nor stay to far out.


The door is the most important door in the world -


It is the door through which men walk when they find God.


There is no use my going way inside and staying there,


When so many are still outside and they, as much as I,


Crave to know where the door is.


And all that so many ever find


Is only the wall where the door ought to be.


They creep along the wall like blind men,


With outstretched, groping hands,


Feeling for a door, knowing there must be a door,


Yet they never find it.


So I stand by the door.

I WAS HONORED TO SPEAK TO A GROUP OF DOCTORS THE OTHER NIGHT

Synopsis: The weight loss center I attend held an informational meeting for local doctors and healthcare providers this week, and asked me and two other of their clients to speak about our experiences with their weight loss/management program.  

The weight loss center is striving for more doctor referrals for their patients with weight struggles. I had planned to share about my doctors role in my experience but did not know he would be there.  Along with the honor of being asked to speak, it was an extra blessing for me to be able to publicly thank him!  This is what I said with some slight editing...   



 ~ I’ve been asked to share a little bit of my story with you.

I have struggled with being overweight all my life.



In 1982 I went to Weight Watchers and lost 45 pounds and achieved goal weight of 195 pounds. In 1990 I lost 117 pounds at Weight Watchers and was below goal weight at 183 pounds.


Three years later I came under Dr. Steve Gordon’s care. I had gained back close to 70 pounds and weighed in around 250 pounds. At that time I had no need for a doctor other than for when I would get an infection and need antibiotics or such.


In the 18 years he’s been my doctor, he has treated me for Type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, G.E.R.D, depression, sleep apnea ~ and ~ I ballooned up to 382 pounds. If you’ve been doing the math in your head, yes I doubled my weight in 20 years!

ONE BITE IS TOO MANY ~ 10,000 BITES ARE NOT ENOUGH!

I was shopping at a local grocery store this week and walked by their hot food area.  They serve Chinese, Mexican and Italian plus some regular meat and potato entrees.

A young lady was standing behind a cut up freshly baked pizza and was offering passers by a taste.  All this takes place just ahead of the fresh produce aisle which is where I was heading...honest!

I find myself making instant decisions about food quite often every day.  Most of the time the default decision is "NO!  I won't eat that food right now."

Sometimes it's: "NO!  I won't eat that food right now."

 I walked past hurriedly and focused on the bananas 50 feet down the aisle.  Nice yellow/green bananas.  Good bananas. Sweet tasting healthy bananas.  Bananas...rich in potassium!  Bananas...so good and so good for you!

Sigh.

A CREATURE OF HABIT

I admit it I am a creature of habit.

 I buy gas at the same filling station and bank at the same bank that my folks did. I grew up with Skippy peanut butter and see no reason to try any other brand. (Except PB2! Boy that's good!)


I like a certain brand of shirt, and any shirt I buy must have a pocket! MUST!

I prefer Hanes to Fruit of the Loom,  and I used to prefer Chrysler products but Chevrolet may be winning me over. 

Maybe.

BEARING POTENTIAL FOR THE NEW YEAR - LESSONS DERIVED FROM THE ROSE

"When we plant a rose seed in the earth, we notice that it is small, but we do not criticize it as "rootless and stemless." We treat it as a seed, giving it the water and nourishment required of a seed. When it first shoots up out of the earth, we don't condemn it as immature and underdeveloped; nor do we criticize the buds for not being open when they appear. We stand in wonder at the process taking place and give the plant the care it needs at each stage of its development. The rose is a rose from the time it is a seed to the time it dies. Within it, at all times, it contains its whole potential. It seems to be constantly in the process of change; yet at each state, at each moment, it is perfectly all right as it is."

— W. Timothy Gallwey (The Inner Game of Tennis)

It seems I find myself starting over...a lot!
 
The new year some how psychologically conditions us as a people to foment some sort of list of "resolutions." 
 
I have never met a resolution I couldn't break, usually within 72 hours.  This is because, for me anyway, I am motivated by what I should do, not what I really want to do.  

Well, I want to do it as long as it is easy and requires no sacrifice. 
 
Ain't it the truth!
 
I'm my own worse critic too.  I can be pretty harsh on myself.  I probably deserve some of it, however the guilt that is associated with failure usually is "solved" by eating...which solves nothing and only exacerbates the problem.
 
A truly vicious and insane cycle.
 
So if I were to resolve anything this year, it should be to love myself more, and not be so motivated by guilt and fear.
 
When I reread the above sentence it makes me want to shout: "Psychobabble!!"

THE UNGODLY POWER OF ONE STRING BEAN (part three)

"We admitted we were powerless over our food compulsion -  that our lives had become unmanageable."  Step One from Overeaters Anonymous

It's an inexact science for me.  "Science" is an inaccurate description.  My daily "practices" of weight management fundamentally is a practice of daily "right thinking/right living/right eating and being "right" with God spiritually.

Who doesn't want to do right?